What Just Happened?
by JoVersify
Summary: My entry for the Friday Free For All. Orig. one-shot, but will be continued. Bella is determined to see a vampire hunt before her fast approaching change. What will happen when she camps out in the woods trying to sneak-a-peek? Rated M for Mmmm...Momma!
1. Sibling Rivalry

**A/N: This is far fetched, I know. But bear with me here....it was all for the smut. This was my entry from 5/1 for Ninapolitan's Friday Free For All on Twilighted. Check out her profile on Twi for awesome smut TWICE A WEEK! Yes, Smut Mondays for the more mainline lemonishous goodness, and the Friday Free For All where anything & everything goes! She has an all-star author lineup for each and they are just getting better and better each week!**  
**  
Never ending love to my mistress, Dominina, for the opportunity to write for this fantastic series! Also, to Lu... you effin' rock girlie...thanks so much for the stayin' up late with me!**

**Originally a one-shot. Will be continued.  
**

**

* * *

**

**BPOV**

"Okay, FIN!" Alice swept her arm over my head in a grand gesture. Her 'Bella Barbie' masterpiece was now complete.

_Finally_.

"I still don't understand why I need to 'pre-game' my attire Alice. I think you're just making up reasons to dress me up now."

"Trust me Bella, when I say, there is _NEVER _a reason too small to dress to the hilt."

"Mmhmm," I responded skeptically, "for _you_."

"Oh Bella, just go show Edward before they leave. _Trust me_," she huffed exasperatedly as I felt, not saw, her speed past me into Jasper's study. "Oh Jazzzzzy!-"

_Hmph, 'Trust me'_, I mentally chided her, rolling my eyes as I made my way _carefully _down the steps to the living room. I had to admit, the Alice torture treatments I received (daily) were worth it as far as Edward and I were concerned.

Since returning from our honeymoon, we certainly had a…_healthy_…three months of marriage. Things had been so good I almost didn't want to be changed now…_almost_. We had it planned out for the end of the summer, three weeks away, when I would be "going to college", or so all the _mortals_ in my life would be led to believe. Needless to say, I would continue playing dress-up for Alice as long as the resulting…uh…_reactions _from Edward kept up.

I hit the last step and then the foyer floor with my new stiletto Manolo's and internally praised my agility.  
_  
No injuries, mission accomplished._

"Ahhhhh!" I half choked, half shrieked in surprise as my body left the floor and I was engulfed in two massive bear arms.

"HOT Momma!" Emmett roared while unceremoniously tossing me around in his arms so that I was face to face with his bulking form. These vamps _really _didn't understand the meaning of personal space, a lesson I was repeatedly taught each new day as the newest member of the 'Cullen Center for Familial Dysfunction' (as I lovingly referred to my new family). Dysfunctional was putting it lightly.

_But then again, we _are _talking vampires here.__  
_  
Emmett gave me the Devil's grin while leaning into my ear. My mind swirled momentarily, and a shiver ran down my body at his forward actions.

He inhaled an exaggerated breath through his nose and released it over my now overheated neck, "Hmmmmmm… _Bella_." Not moving an inch from my ear, but fluidly and purposefully planting both of his brawny hands on my rear, "It's too bad you're married to my brother."

I froze in shock and…arousal? _Shit_. He let out an evil little chuckle. _What the hell?_

At this very moment, Rose strode past, tinkering with something large and mechanical. My heart quickened at my precarious position, but she nonchalantly rapped Emmett on the side of his head with the huge tool and disappeared into the garage without ever breaking her stride.

My blush was furious at this point as I looked to Edward on the sofa who sat idly behind his newspaper with an amused expression on his face.

_Oh, _I _see how it is_.

"Emmm-ettt," Edward cautioned low in mock deprecation, a crooked smirk threatening to break on his face. _Jerk._

Emmett simply laughed in reply, slowly lowering me to the floor with deliberation…_by my ass cheeks_. "C'mon man, I'm just tryin'a make her blush again!" He turned his wicked smile back to me, "You know I'm just messin' with ya Bells-baby." I thought I heard him say "sexy," but I could have imagined it. _Fuck! My stupid big oaf of a brother-in-law just turned me on!_

"I _do _love that color on your cheeks," I heard from Edward. Turning, I saw his longing expression as he continued, "I'm _really _going to miss that." My eyes narrowed. It was obvious that Edward had decided to let me fend for myself at this moment. So I did what any self-respecting Cullen would do in this situation. I steeled myself, reigned in my blush, and prepared to dish a heaping plate of ice-cold revenge to my overly playful pseudo-sibling.

A flash of brilliance and a surge of confidence had me sauntering around Emmett's massive frame, dragging a single finger over his shoulders as I circled the giant. Stopping directly in front of him, I reached up on my tiptoes to slide my hand up and around his neck. I threaded my fingers through his dark curls, begging him forward. His eyes darkened and he complied easily. _Ha. This would be a piece of cake._

"Hmmmm…Emmett," I exhaled in a sensual breath, letting it spill over his constricting jaw, "You're _lucky _I'm married to Edward. You couldn't handle me." With that, I let my tongue reach out to lick up his outer lobe with precision as I descended back onto my heels, releasing him from my grasp.

I heard Emmett's sharp intake of breath as I met his eyes, and plastered a wicked glint and a cocky smile on my face. His eyes bulged, and then darkened, and he gripped my hips roughly while releasing his shaky breath. "Bella…"

I looked down to witness the obvious physical effect I had on him and was no longer able to contain my laughter. I also couldn't help but notice the physical effect I was experiencing myself. _Wow. I was aroused!_

Emmett let out a low growl, "Gah, you are _EVIL _woman." His hands hesitated, tightening hard around my hips once more before he abruptly let me go, almost throwing me off balance, and shuffled awkwardly out to the garage. "Rose!" I heard him cry as I tried to contain my erupting fit of giggles and fist-pumping.

"Ha!" I shouted, satisfied with my tête-à-tête on the big bullying grizzly bear. I had to admit, I was getting pretty good at this. I'd have to think of something similarly genius to stave off Alice sometime. Before I could even begin to concoct plans of more sibling revenge, I was spun around with a dizzying speed and pinned to the staircase wall, face to face with my Edward. I gasped as he dragged his nose along my jaw line, stopping at my ear.

"Mmmm…my little sex-kitten," he purred. "You have no idea how close my dear brother was to losing his control with you. You really shouldn't tease him so."

_What?_

"Well, _you _certainly weren't going to help me, so I had to get back at him in my own way." I was half-serious as I slapped his shoulder, "Way to defend my honor."

"Well love," he said grabbing my wrist and locking me between the wall and his steel body, "he wasn't the only one enjoying the dangers of your feminine wiles."

"Ungh," my eyes rolled back as I felt his burgeoning excitement press into me. It took a moment for the reality of his statement to register. "Wait, he was enjoying that?"

"Mmmm…yes, as was I," he growled out before capturing my lips with his and slipping his tongue easily into my mouth. My brain clouded over in the moment. I was teetering between complete, aroused oblivion and trying to maintain my wits to continue the conversation. He broke the kiss, dragging his delicious mouth back up to my ear. "He is pleading with Rose as we speak to take care of the…uh…_problem _you started." I shuddered a thrill.

_Wait. That_ brought my wits back to me.

"_I_ started?!" I pulled back from his grasp as much as I could and attempted to push him back. He wasn't having it as he only continued with his divine torture of my nape. I needed a different tactic before I became lost to his deft ministrations. "Well," I started, determined, albeit breathless, "Since you got so much…_enjoyment_…from my display, I suppose I'll have to flirt with Emmett more often. Maybe Jasper could use some special attention as well."

_Ha! That'll show this teasing God of a husband I have!_

Fully expecting my brooding, possessive Edward to rear his head, I was taken aback when he simply sighed, flashing my crooked smile and pressing further into my body.

"Only if I get to watch, love."

My confusion apparent, I had no time to register my reaction to Edward's words before he ate my response with his eager…uh, make that, _aggressive _mouth. _Holy hell._

* * *

I paced endlessly in our bedroom, cell phone in hand, trying _not _to make a permanent decision in my head. Charlie was expecting me for dinner and I had assured Edward that I would be staying with him until Sunday; that he and his brothers should make use of the weekend to get in a good hunt. I made a conscious effort to concentrate on actually _going _to Charlie's. I even began planning the meal I would cook for us tonight…stroganoff. Charlie loved the stroganoff. I was sure I could fit in a visit to Jake's tomorrow while Charlie fished.

_Yes, that's what I'll do. A nice visit to La Push, and then… _

I thought with consternation, while quickly punching the familiar numbers in on my phone.

…_a stop off at the grocery on the way back for some tenderloins. Pork tenderloins with my famous caramelized onions will be perfect…_

A second ring in my ear. He's always slow to the phone when a game is on.

…_and I'll grab some snow peas and a nice wild rice mix. Perfect Saturday meal. Charlie will love it._

Fourth ring, "Hello?"

"Hey Dad."

"Oh, Heya Bells. What time are you headed over? I was just watching the game, but we're losing pretty bad."

_Alright, decision time._

"Umm, actually Dad, I was wondering if you could fare without me this weekend. I know it's short notice, but Edward is taking me to this really fancy place in Seattle on Sunday, and Alice is chomping at the bit to get me to the stores before they even open in the morning. I'm required to have new attire if I'm going…well…_anywhere _actually…but a fancy place is like code word for shopping-spree to the pixie…"

_Okay, shut up now! You're starting to ramble._

Damn, my lying skills were becoming pretty impressive. My new family must _really _be rubbing off on me.

"I think that girl has a serious addiction Bella," he countered.

"Don't I know it. Good luck telling _her _that Dad. Her credit card is black and numberless, that should tell you something."

_Will you stop rambling? The cat's out of the bag now anyway._

He chuckled, "It's no problem kiddo. I'm gonna miss you, but I'll catch up with you next weekend." He forgot to say my cooking…he'll miss my cooking, I mentally added to his sentence. I could picture the pizza and take out boxes strewn across the living room now. At least I knew Charlie was smart enough to steer clear of the kitchen when I wasn't there.

"K, Dad, I'm really sorry. I love you."

"Yeah, you too Bells. And don't sweat it, really. I'll just get a head start with Billy in the morning. I'll talk to ya soon, and…uh…have fun…on your…uh…date thing."

I stifled my chuckle. "Thanks, Dad. I will."

No sooner did I punch the 'End' key on my phone, when my door was flung open wide, practically off its hinges, and the Fashion Plate of Terror streaked into my room.

"Alright Little Miss Trickery-of-the-Mind! I _knew _you were up to something!"

I sighed, awaiting the tumult.

"Bella honey, I love you to pieces, but you are utterly insane," she shook her head, incredulous. "Seriously Bella, watching them hunt? Have you completely lost your mind?! Are you on drugs?"

I gave Alice a wide berth and a few moments before unleashing my new and improved reasoning skills. This was not something that I was going to budge on and Alice needed to understand this.

"I have to do this Alice."

"No, Bella"

"Look, Alice, I know what you think, _'It's dangerous, something bad could happen'_, sure. Something bad could totally happen, but seriously, what's the worst that could happen? Edward finds me, Edward bites me. This is not something that we aren't already planning, right?" I had to make her understand how much I needed this.

"NO, Bella..." she repeated.

"Alice. _Please_, just listen to me. I need to do this. Edward doesn't understand, and you know how he is when he gets overprotective-"

"It's not overprotective Bella, it's common sense. I have no way of predicting an outcome when dealing with them, and you, and _hunting_. For God's sake, why is it so important? You are going to experience it for yourself soon enough anyway!"

"Exactly, Alice. I'm going to change, and I am going to have to hunt for myself, and I have nothing more to go on than what Edward has explained to me...which isn't much!" I was starting to realize how weak my arguments sounded out loud, but this was too important to me to stop, "I make a fool out of myself enough with this family! The little, klutzy, blushing human weakling." I mocked, "Can't you understand that there is just _ONE _thing that I want to be good at...to show Edward that I can be equal too? And don't get me started on the fact that Emmett already _INSISTS _that he go with us my first time hunting!" My pacing started again, frantically, and Alice actually paused her retort to consider my words.

None of them could see what being human in this house really did to me, not even Edward, and it drove me absolutely insane. I hated being weak, and I was reminded of nothing else living here with these vampires. I was determined not let my weaknesses carry over into my new life, and if that meant a little risk while I was still human, that was a price I was willing to pay.

If I was honest with myself, the thought of seeing Edward, while he hunted, all raw instinct and power, was a complete turn on, and was another reason I wanted to do this, though I would never tell Alice that. In addition, the thought of Edward seeing _me_ while he hunted, and preying on me while he was lost to his senses, excited me beyond all reason. This was something that I secretly dreamt about, but it was also something that I knew would never happen. Edward would never lose his control with me. I had a hard enough time just getting him to _discuss_ these things. He had already arranged for my change to take place in a completely controlled and supervised environment.

To be sure, I knew what I was planning was dangerous, but I wanted it nonetheless, and I would be damned if I was going to let the psychic pixie get in my way. I could see the resolve break out on Alice's face after her moment of deliberation.

"Bella, listen. I understand your motives, truly I do, but just...no. _NO_."

"No?" I cocked my eyebrow at her.

Alice's eyes glazed over, and for several minutes, she was motionless while her visions overtook her.

"Ooooh! You are so stubborn!" she jerked her head toward me with a look of annoyance. Her eyes narrowed to slits as she was no doubt making her own counter-decisions to stop me from going. She couldn't hold me captive. That had not fared well with Edward (or myself) the last time, and she had promised to refrain from physical restraint in the future. Well, now was the future, and I _knew _I could beat her at her own game this time.

"Ugh, I swear Bella. Edward is right. You have _no _sense of self-preservation what-so-ever." She glazed over again and after a few moments began to chuckle, "Resourceful little human."

I continued to wait patiently while her visions played out and I took this opportunity to firm up my resolve to go, and review the endless escape plans I had concocted. Finally, her eyes focused on me and she let out a defeated sigh.

"Okay, look. This is what's going to happen…"

Alice explained to me that she would help, in exchange for my complete cooperation, which I heartily agreed to. I was admittedly surprised that I had out-wit my fortune-telling sister, and she was visibly dejected at this turn of events. I felt the least I could do was to listen to and comply with her instructions.

She was quite explicit. She explained to me that my expedition could result in a number of possible outcomes, and that I needed to be as prepared as possible to avoid _unwanted_ results.

Of course, this meant that we were going shopping, and of course, I objected vehemently.

Alice shook her head, "You need to be properly camouflaged Bella...as much as possible. If you go traipsing into the forest like _that_, they'll see you. Hell, they'll _smell_ you from a mile away."

_Oh. I hadn't actually thought about that._

"Yeah, didn't think about that did'ja?" she huffed with indignation, "You are going to get me in so much trouble. Damn you Bella, your ass is my shopping buddy for the next 10 years for this."

* * *

Alice and I set off to Newton's Outfitters early Saturday morning. Our plans weren't entirely different from the lie I had perpetrated to Charlie the night before. Of course, my so-called date on Sunday would involve myself, a pair of waterproof gaiters, and scent-lock camo gear.

We headed straight for the hunting department upon arriving and Alice pulled me over to the women's section, handing me some really sexy Tiffany Lakosky camo apparel by She Safari.

"It's as close to designer as we can get with this type of clothing…Ugh!" she tisked in disgust at the items. "When you're done with these hideous garments, we're burning them."

Once we had my gear selected, she started tossing some odd items into our basket. "Scent-away shower kit? Deodorant pills? What is this stuff?"

"Another form of camouflage. Hunters use these things all the time to hide their human scent from animals. It will help. You won't be scent free Bella, especially to Edward, but this may help you stay inconspicuous enough so that you can possibly catch a glimpse."

We stopped off to get lunch for me after making our purchases, and then headed back to the house to prepare for my trip the next day. Alice washed the clothes I would wear in the special detergent, and locked them in plastic material while instructing me on what to expect and how to stay hidden.

"...so you need to find a comfortable place to sit and watch," she said. "When you get settled, you need to hold as still as possible. Take some underbrush and pull it over yourself for some cover, and only breath through your nose. That should keep you from becoming a lure to them if you end up in range of their senses." I nodded, trying to absorb all of her advice and instruction.

I woke before dawn on Sunday morning, excited to be on my way. I showered with the scent masking soap and shampoo and searched for the new clothes we had bought and washed.

"No, just your undergarments Bella, the thermals and the boots. You won't put these on until we get to Goat Rocks to avoid getting too much of your scent on the material. Here-" Alice handed me a dark hood like hat, "Make sure you keep your hair covered as much as possible while out there."

"Okay." I took the hat and my wrapped clothing from her, and we set off in Emmett's Jeep up to the Cullen's favorite hunting area. When we reached the Goat Rocks Wilderness Reserve, Alice maneuvered through a few treacherous trails before pulling over near a small clearing. She cut the engine and turned toward me in the vehicle cab.

"Alright Bella, now let's go over this again. I'm going to take you to a spot where we've had a lot of luck with our hunting. You're going to find your spot, and settle in. I'm giving you eight hours. I'll be in the Jeep, just past the Ranger's Station off the highway." she broke off for a moment, slipping into what I could tell was another vision. I could see a hint of smile on her face before she looked back to me again. She seemed to have gained confidence from whatever she saw in the vision.

"I'll be back to pick you up at 3pm. If you don't see anything, then it's too bad. But DO NOT TO MOVE from the spot I show you Bella, understand? This is dangerous enough as it is and Edward is already going to have my head in the fire when he finds out."

"Wait, when? Don't you mean _if_?"

"Ha. Really Bella, do you think I'm _that _good at keeping Edward out of my mind? He's _going _to find out, whether you see him out there today or not. It's only a matter of time before I slip and he sees it." I guessed our blissful marriage was going to endure it's first fight sooner rather than later. Alice's head wasn't the only one that would be in the fire once Edward found out about what I did today.

We got out and started on the mile and a half journey that would take me to Alice's 'perfect spot'.

* * *

After Alice ran back to the Jeep, I made myself as comfortable as possible, per her instructions. I found an area that was built up with shrubbery, yet had what looked to be almost a seat in the center of it. I pulled up some fallen branches and brush around my body to further cover my presence, and I waited.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And......._waited._

I started to feel extremely uncomfortable being in the same position for what had to have been hours. I let my mind wander in the hopes that I could ignore my discomfort, and I thought back to Alice's vision in the Jeep earlier. I wondered what she saw, and I realized that she had looked almost smug when it was over.

_What would have made her smug?_

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she had not only looked smug, but the worry in her face had all but disappeared completely. And then it dawned on me.  
_  
That evil little pixie! She knew I would see nothing out here!_

After listening to her warn me over and over on the many possible outcomes of today's venture, and how she could not pin-point an exact future because we were dealing with base vampiric instincts, which were at best, unpredictable, I realized why she looked smug...and I was pissed. She was no longer worried, because she knew from her vision that none of the boys would come past this spot today. It was the only explanation.

I decided that I was not going to let this opportunity go to waste. I wanted this to work. I wanted to know first hand what the experience of hunting was going to be like, and I was not about to let my underhanded sister-in-law stop me from doing what I came here to do.

So I got up.

I left my shrubbery seat, stretched out my desperately aching muscles, and started on a hike toward the mountain edges. I didn't want to push my luck and risk Alice coming after me, so I halted my journey after about a half an hour. I found a huge tree with a nice rounded out area between its giant roots, and I settled in to my new spot for the rest of the afternoon. I only hoped that my change of plans would prove to be fruitful.

I didn't have to wait long.

After only about twenty five minutes, I heard movement off in the thick trees to my left. My heart quickened at the possibilities, and I took a few deep breaths through my nose to try to calm myself and remain perfectly still. I trained my ear at the distant sound, trying to focus in on what I was hearing. Whatever it was, it seemed to be large...and slow. I still could see nothing in my line of view.

After about two minutes of intent listening, the faint noise grew exponentially loud and a turbulent snarl pierced through the trees. The rustling forest brush sounded as if it were being broken and trampled at an ever increasing speed. Before my adrenaline could even pump through my body in excitement, I saw an unbelievably large form break through the tree line about thirty feet to my left. I sat motionless, not breathing, as I watched the huge bear barrel out of the trees.

No sooner did the animal break from the cover of trees into my line of vision, when I saw it's colossal body rip though the air and flip head over feet, crashing to the ground with blinding speed. It wasn't until it had settled to the forest floor that I noticed another figure hovered over the beast, and hard growls emanating from the sight before me.

It was Emmett.

It was Emmett on top of a mammoth sized Grizzly bear, and he was...drinking from it. His noises were tremendous and scary, and upon my focus of the scene, my mind and body caught up with my eyes. My heart began to race with adrenaline, my breathing peaked, and I seemed to break almost into a sweat from the intensity of it all. The noise was immense, and Emmett handled the animal as if it were only a few pounds in his arms. I was in awe as he drained the creature with a violent intensity that I hadn't expected.

The noise began to quiet, his growling ceasing all together, returning the normal sounds of the forest to the air. I could hear a bird off in the distance and at that exact moment Emmett's head snapped up. His eyes focused directly on mine immediately, and I froze.

In less than a second, I was pinned, helpless, to the forest floor under Emmett's massive weight. His face went directly into my hair as he ripped the hood off of my head and once again, my mind struggled to catch up to the new situation. But I wasn't just watching this time, and I hitched a deep, surprised breath in through my mouth as I felt Emmett's nose and mouth on my neck through my hair. 

_Oh God... oh no._

He grabbed a fistful of my hair at the nape of my neck and pulled my head back exposing my most vulnerable skin.

_Don't bite me…don't bite me…don't bite me…_

"Emmett, _please _don't bite me! _Please, please!_" I trembled out in stark fear as he ripped my shirt down my chest from the collar.

_Oh shit, he's gonna bite me!_

"Oh, I'm not gonna bite ya Bella…" he growled out, grabbing my hips hard and pressing me into his…fucking _huge _erection, "I'm gonna fuck you." I let out a whooshing breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

_Oh God. Okay panic. PANIC! How do I stop this?!_

_How do I…_

"Unnnngh…"

_He's licking my nipples… Oh God. Oh God! Shit! This is wrong. This can't be happening!_

"Emmett…ungh…ahhh fuck! Emmett…I…we…can't…" I was panicked, trying to speak, but I was losing myself. He was.... he felt.... so _good_. I was hastily thwarted in my effort to reason by Emmett's strong mouth plunging into mine, his tongue reaching out without hesitation parting my lips and devouring me whole.

"Oh, yes we can baby. Yes we fucking can."

I felt a hard tug and heard ripping as Emmett wrenched my pants from my body in one quick pull, discarding the mangled fabric. He snaked his hand around the edges of and into my panties, driving to fingers into me without mercy.

"Uhhhnnn! Emmett... Ahhh God!" I gripped both of my hands onto his shoulders and hung on for dear life. I could feel myself gushing onto his hand and my body coiled and contracted like a wind torn branch ready to snap.

"Mmmm yesss...so fucking wet!" he panted, curling his thick fingers inside me and rubbing his thumb over my quickly swelling clit. "Unnngh, yeah. That's it baby," he rasped in my ear as I unwillingly started to pant and moan out loud. "Cry for me, Bella, yeah. _Fuck_, I wanna taste you so bad," he snarled, his breaths labored and quick, "Just a..." he breathed, "just a little taste..."  
_  
Shit. Biting. No... Fuck, I can't think!_

He grabbed my wrist with his free hand, pulling it out along the side of us and dragged my hand hard along the rough roots in the ground.

I couldn't stop him. I couldn't make myself even try to.

I could feel the pressure of his force pressing my hand against the roots, and a sharp sting of pain as the skin on my palm was ripped open.

The growl he let out at the waft of my fresh flowing blood was nothing short of terrifying, but it only excited me further, feeling his fingers twisting inside me like something I had never felt, and I didn't care about the pain because I didn't want this to stop.

_Don't stop. Don't stop._

He released my wrist and lightly dragged his fingers over the open cut on my hand, lifting them to his lips. The resulting moan from him and his hand thrusting into me was even more overpowering. His growls were growing consistently louder and unforgiving, and without so much as a warning, I screamed out with an intense release, unable to breath as my whole body clenched through my peak.

"Yeaaah, that's a good girl." He pulled his fingers from my body, freeing his rock hard cock from his pants faster than I could even see. With no warning, he thrust himself deep into me with staggering force. I held onto him as tight as I could, my fingernails straining against his marble skin, and cried out at the sheer momentum of his onslaught.

"Oh so tight. So....hot. Wet," he moaned moving into me, out and back in.

"Emmett....oh God please don't stop!" I whimpered and mewled as he continued to fuck me.

"Shit, taste how good you are Bella... taste it." He forcefully moved my wounded palm over my mouth. I could feel the smearing on my face. There wasn't much blood, but it was enough to drip past my lips. I was too far gone with rapture to be sickened by the taste or the smell, and I moaned into my hand as Emmett's thrusts became impossibly faster... deeper.

"Fuck! Oh fuck, that's beautiful." He ripped my hand away and crashed his mouth onto mine, sucking both my lips and my tongue into his hungry mouth. He was feasting on me, for sure, licking over my bloodstained face and latching back onto my lips with a fervor I could not comprehend.

He snaked his left hand around to the small of my back, using it as leverage to push himself even further into me. He was _so deep_. I was drowning with the impact of his thrusts. It was pain, and heat, and heaven, and hell, and I was climbing to a place I had never been before. My eyes would no longer open and I could not find the air I needed as my moans turned to screams and I lost myself completely in that moment. Fuck, I had never been filled so deeply or fucked so completely. I couldn't measure his strokes. He was an animal. Edward had _never_ lost control like this with me, and I couldn't even think of Edward in that moment.

I couldn't think of anything. I could only feel my release coming again. _Hard._ And _fast_.

My eyes opened, bulging at the force of the orgasm that was approaching, begging to kill me. Emmett took his other hand, still gripping my wounded one tightly, and rubbed my palm against his mouth, licking, sucking, defiling the perfect pale skin of his strong jaw with streaks of my blood.

I cried out at the force of him between my legs and the sight of my blood on his skin. It was the most erotic thing I had ever seen, or felt, and it brought me straight to the brink of oblivion.

My screams were turning hoarse, my throat parched. Emmett's force was pushing us up and into the tree behind us when my climax consumed me, and I clenched so hard I thought I was going to seize forever.

Emmett yelled out as well in wild, agonized moans, continuing to fuck me harder and with a speed that was just not possible.

"Oh, fuck Bella...... Ahhhhhahhh..._FUCK_!"

My eyes squeezed shut as he attached both hands to the top of my head. I felt him fill me with his cold release in four...five... long, powerful final thrusts. He stopped his movement inside me, his head buried into my shoulder, and I felt his hands slide down my hair to cup the back of my head.

I didn't move. Emmett didn't move. The only sound left was my labored breaths. My mind slowly came back to me and I couldn't....couldn't think about what had just happened.

_What _did _just happen?_

Slowly, I turned my head to the side in Emmett's cradling hands. I parted my eyes open, trying to focus my vision, and stopped breathing all together when I laid my sight on a shock of bronze hair a short distance away. The figure beneath stood silent, a pair of black, wild eyes burning into me.

I was in _major_ trouble.

**  
A/N: RUH ROH! Edward saw! So, do you think Edward was wankin' it to Em & Bella the whole time? hehe!**

**I know that realistically, this wouldn't/shouldn't/couldn't happen, and if it did, there is no way in hell Emmett would get out more than a few grunts, and he more than likely would have broke Bella in half with that fucking he dished out, but.... 1.) I ALWAYS have to have my men talking in the throes, and 2.) This is fan fiction....I can do what I want.**

**Update:**  
**Okay, so after posting this on the Friday Free For All, I received an overwhelming response from people wanting a continuation of this. So, since I like to please people, I will be continuing. Most likely, the next chapter will be in Edward's POV....we'll see.**

**XOXO  
~JO~**


	2. Mental Mutiny

**A/N: HAI! It's been what? 4 months? Did you all think ****I**** was dead? ****I**** wouldn't blame you if you did! This is a HUGE milestone for me... my VERY FIRST MULTI-CHAPTER update. W00T! Despite my update fail... I'm pretty damn proud of myself. Next milestone is to actually FINISH a story. Hopefully it won't take me 10 years...but ****I**** make no promises.**

**MUCH THANKS to Stavanger_1 for her speedy interim-beta magic! Thanks so much sweetie, ILY! (and your eye candy).**

**For the sake of this storyline, I'm taking a few liberties. 1) Edward was NOT a virgin when he met or married Bella. 2) The Cullen's have had a more... **_**colorful**_**... history together, as you will get to know a little of in this chapter.**

**

* * *

**

EPOV

The incident in the foyer, with Bella, was both the highlight of my weekend, and my personal hell on this hunting trip. I didn't want to be here. The thought of hunting right now was... _tiresome_.

I wanted Bella. I was consumed by her, and the thoughts rolling out of Emmett's head were slowly driving me insane.

_Sigh._

"_Please_. Enough already," I growled. I'd had enough of Emmett's badgering and mental torture but he would not let this conversation go.

"Look man, I'm just sayin' you can't pretend that it doesn't affect you to see that."

"I never said it didn't affect me, Em. In fact, it affects me almost more than I can bear, but you understand how dangerous it is to play that game. You've smelled your singer." His answer was immediate in his thoughts.

_That's different-_

"Oh? How is it different?" I countered, "Exactly how long did you last with yours? One minute? Thirty seconds?"

"I don't- I mean, I didn't have the control you have, Eddie. If it were now?"

"It'd be no different."

_Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence, dick._

"You know it's true."

"No. What I know is that your gorgeous, beautiful, insanely sexy wife would be more than willing, yet you refuse to even let her in -" Emmett's speech was cut off abruptly when I tackled him.

"Don't _fucking _talk about her like that," I snarled.

He strong-armed me and flipped us over, straddling my waist and using his brute strength to hold my arms down.

"_Admit _that you want it," Emmett challenged, his face mere inches from mine.

I let out another sigh.

"Why? Why are we discussing this _now?_ We have weeks...not even, _days_ before her change... Why are you pushing me!?" I was beyond frustrated, beyond aggravation at this point.

"You're not being _honest _with her." He pushed his weight forcefully into my arms. "_That's_ why." Another rush of images of _my wife _in unbearably erotic positions with Rose continued to race through his mind.

"_Ugh_. Stop it!"

He quickly switched his stream of thought... to me and Alice, and Jasper.

Now with the addition of Bella.

I gave up struggling underneath him. "Emmett, you have to stop."

"_You_ have to tell her," he countered.

"I _will _tell her..." I shoved him off of me, _"after_."

"After her change? Not good enough, Edward," he rebuked, brushing dirt from his pant leg while following me back to my perch on our giant boulder. "Look. I get that you don't want to freak her out, but first of all, this is _Bella _we're talkin' about. She's not exactly freak-outable." I rolled my eyes. "Second, you're just going to let her make this decision, take this step, and not be honest with her about _everything_ before you let her give up her life?" _It's wrong and you know it,_ he finished in his thoughts.

"You just don't... you don't understand, Em. I _can't_ tell her now. I can't do it. I can barely stop myself from hurting her _now_. If I let her in, it will change everything. I can't..." I trailed off, letting the image from Emmett's mind replay before me again. "I don't have that kind of control."

"Control of _what_? You just need to talk to her about it, man. Just let her know about the past and how you feel about -"

"She'll_ do it, _Emmett," I spoke through gritted teeth, frustrated, my jaw clenched. "She'll want it, and _fuck_, I can't... I won't... she'll... _push_ me, and then she'll want _me _to change her and...and... make me want her more than I already do. Can't you see it? I can't _fight _that, Em. I can't."

The images came unbidden now. Watching her, sharing her, taking her, losing control.... _drinking _her. God, I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her more than anything. Emmett was right. She needed to know, but she would die if I told her now. I knew this. My lust for her grew by the day, and she never ceased to push my careful boundaries, even unconsciously. I was already hanging by the slightest tether, ready to drown. I was scared. Her imminent change was so close, yet still too far away.

"I think you're right, dude, I _don't_ understand. I mean, you're with her now. You're intimate. You flirt, you kiss, you screw, and you control yourself everyday with her. If you can be with her, and control yourself, then you can just..._talk_ to her before this change happens." He continued to barrage me with his wife's lewd fantasy and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, fighting the onslaught.

"Emmett, _fuck!_" My elbow connected with his jaw swiftly and I stood over him, "I said STOP IT!"

Emmett rubbed his jaw from where he lay. "Damn dude, _not_ cool. I can't always help it, you know!" I held out a hand to pull him up. My breathing was erratic, my anger not nearly abated, but it wasn't Emmett I was angry with, and it wasn't Bella. I wasn't even angry with myself, though that only pertained to this particular instance. No, the_ circumstance_ was at fault here, and my ire grew exponentially at the stalemate between my desire and my reason.

"I know," I replied simply, letting him deliver his retaliatory punch to my shoulder.

"Just calm down a bit, will ya?" he said indignantly. I backed up, letting myself fall back to the boulder. I dug the heels of my palm into my eyes, a useless attempt to erase the erotic images from my mind.

"It gets harder every day, Em. Even though she's agreed to be changed by injection. Even though she's accepted my..._tame_ affections. It's like a force, pulling us further down that path. She sees reason, I see reason, but we both feel it pulling us. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, but it scares the hell out of me."

"Dude, I have absolutely no idea what the hell you are talking about," Emmett remarked, shaking his head.

"You wouldn't, would you?" I snapped, "You're not with a human. You don't have to hold back every instinct screaming inside you to just give in and get lost in the moment. You don't have to suck back mouthfuls of venom just to be able to _kiss _your wife. You don't have to control your bloodlust to the point that eating is a _chore_. You don't have to _see _what your wife does to the minds of every other person in your head," I poked my temple emphatically, "when she lets out her charms, her charisma.... her...." I trailed off again, getting lost to the idea of my love, my vixen, writhing, pleasuring, moaning, screaming... biting...

"...sex," Emmett finished my sentence, rather succinctly. His mind, _again_, indulged with thoughts of _my _wife. Fuck, this was a ridiculously vicious cycle. I was not up to tackling Emmett again.

_What the hell? I really don't need this crap out here…_ I could hear Jasper's approach to our absurdly unproductive conversation.

"Damn, boys, I know you're close and all, but are you two fuckin' out here or something?" Jasper stepped out of the tree line, making his way over to our rock and effectively stopping the mental debauchery.

"Funny," I retorted.

"See any?" Emmett shot over to Jasper like a kid waiting for an expected present.

"No bear trails, Em, but I took two nice sized bucks. The herd's 'bout a mile, mile and a half up river now."

"Damn," he swore, "No, fuck the deer. I'm gonna head southeast. I'll find those beasts if it takes me all damn day, I'm starving." He moved toward the east timberline, preparing to run while directing his parting thought to me.

_Just think about what I said, Edd-o. Despite what you think, you're not the bull in a china shop, and she's no china doll._

My eyes rolled on instinct at his moronic mental analogy. "Go get your goddamn bear, Emmett."

Emmett took off. Jasper took his spot on my boulder of morose contemplation.

"You hunt yet?"

"Not hungry."

"Sure, okaaay," Jasper replied. I knew my black eyes told a different story, but I couldn't bring myself to force down another animal right now.

I propped my elbows on my knees and rested my chin on my forearms, the silence spreading heavy and thick between us. Jasper's ability to exude complete mental silence around me always astounded me, but right now, I only took comfort in his small gift. Emmett had goaded my internal battle enough. Jasper, obviously sensing the turmoil coming from me, allowed me the silence of mind to sort through the conflict.

I thought back to Alice and Jasper, with me, and Emmett's addition of Bella to that picture, before deciding to break our reticence.

"It's been years, right?" I turned my face to him. "Why is this coming out now? Of all times, why now?"

"Back up a sec. Why is _what_ coming out?" Jasper's confusion instantly muddled my thought process and my sputtered response was not intended.

"I... what? I don't know...dammit, Jazz, keep that shit on your side of the room, I'm confused enough as it is." Hunting with Jasper was usually more favorable, as his emotions would ebb and flow reflexively with his bloodlust. He'd described it once as 'letting it all hang out'; his need and focus would entice the hunt for all of us, then his subsequent satisfaction and relaxation after a good catch would flow freely from him. Right now, however, his emotions were severely bewildering my already addled mind.

_Sorry. I didn't mean to throw you off track. You and Em... you were both lusting like crazy. _"What was that all about?" he asked. He quickly reigned in his emotions, returning my focus, and with it, my vexation.

"Emmett thinks that... well, he had a conversation with..." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, and going with the most blunt and straightforward explanation. "Rose wants Bella."

"What do you mean _wants_ her?"

I shot him a look.

"Wait, as in..." he trailed off, not needing to verbalize the rest of his sentence.

"Yeah. _Wants_ her, in precisely that manner," I sighed, closing my eyes against yet another mental visual of Bella and Rose together, though, Jasper's mind was considerably more creative than Emmett's.

"Just like that? All of a sudden?" he questioned.

"Well, Bella may have... _attracted_ her attention." I thought back to yesterday in the foyer, and how simply and effectively her interaction with Emmett had piqued not only Rose's interest, but my own as well. We were truly insatiable creatures.

"Wow, man. You want that... bad." _You're getting _me_ hard._

_"_Really not helping, Jazz." My brothers were doing everything in their power to make things worse for me, I was sure of it. "Emmett says I need to tell her...everything... _before _her change."

"Well, I don't know about that. I mean, you married her and didn't tell her." A pang of guilt shot through me and Jasper eyeballed me. "I didn't mean it like that. Just... I never thought it would come up so soon, if ever."

"Believe me, neither did I. But seeing her antics with Emmett yesterday..." I trailed off.

I realized, too late, that my avoidance of the subject at hand had been just that all along... _avoidance_. However unconsciously I did it, I had allowed myself to believe these moments, these _trysts_, were forgotten, past life occurrences. I tried fervently to make truth out of a denial. No, I had certainly not forgotten, and seeing Bella toy with Emmett yesterday awakened those forsaken desires with such ferocity, it was as though I had only left Alice's bedchamber in Scotland the hour before.

_Scotland. _

I hadn't thought of our trip to the Highlands in over eight years, I believe, give or take a few. It's not that it wasn't memorable. To the contrary, I don't think I could ever forget the trip, even with a human mind, but the balance of family and fornication had its place. Family was first and foremost... _always, _and for a very long time, we had all just... stopped. Though I never allowed myself to think on these things much, I had deduced that it was a good, healthy ending to our games, even though none of us had ever verbally _ended_ anything.

"What are you thinking?" Jasper interrupted my reminiscing.

"Scotland," I deadpanned.

"Ahh... Scotland." He didn't offer anything more, but his thoughts carried me right back to the memory.

It had been... _difficult_ when Alice and Jasper first joined us. Their lust for one another was unmatched. Though outwardly they did not flaunt their intimacy, unlike Rose and Emmett, their moments alone together were intense beyond measure. Having a front row vantage to their encounters coupled with Jasper's rolling lust was enough to cause me to flee the house in aggravation.

It didn't take long for both Alice and Jasper to catch on to my distress. Jasper could feel my frustrations and Alice could foresee the recurring pattern of my evasions and self-sequestering behavior. Whether it was driven by guilt, or their own desires, it took even less time for them to obtrude on my privacy under the guise of compassion.

I never stood a chance with them. The first time, Alice had seen that I would react badly, and she was able to easily counteract all of my rejections and reactions to work in her favor. I was slowly and assiduously losing my sanity living in the same house with them, and being lured into their private activities had somehow seemed less crazy than the effective and perpetual retreat I was journeying on. Though Carlisle was not privy to their plans, his concern for me became a catalyst to their decisions, I later found out.

Alice had secured the entire castle, a detail I hadn't thought to question until the staff was ordered to vacate the premise for the duration of the weekend. It wasn't uncommon for us to secure our privacy through the deluge of money, but our intentions for such privacy were generally centered around our vampiric activities, hunting being the foremost, and vacations were decidedly more pleasant when the more..._aromatic _prey was kept at a distance.

Such were _not _the intentions Alice had in mind when she discreetly paid the castle keeper's entire yearly salary in exchange for his swift removal of all employees from the property that night.

We had traveled, just the three of us, under Alice's suggestion that Jasper needed to try the Red deer indigenous to the Cairngorms Highland area, as well as the Scottish Red/Sika hybrids. I had tried the breed with Carlisle on a previous trip to the UK, and while the stags did get as big as Elk, I didn't find them to be more or less appetizing than our usual North American fare. Carlisle disagreed, but attributed it to Emmett's and my predilection for the more carnivorous game. Since she had never been to the Grampian range, Alice asked me to accompany them as a guide. I could never resist showing off my hunting prowess, not to mention the _running_. Oh, running in Scotland was incomparable. I had to admit, the little sylph was good.

Once Castle Menzies, a new location choice for us, had been successfully cleared of beating hearts, Alice and Jasper disappeared to their suite to shower. I didn't delude myself into thinking they would keep to themselves for the trip, but I was knocked over when Jasper's thoughts took a meaningful direction. It was like he was throwing them at me... images of Alice, with me... imagining himself as me, making love to her against the shower wall. It was torturous. I wanted to scream, I was so fully aroused. I settled for fleeing instead, running far and wide, down to Loch Tay, around Ben Lawers, and up to Glen Lyon. I was trying to run out my frustration and it just wasn't working. I took down two large bucks and I was still painfully hard. If anything, the hunt had only made it worse. I was finally resolved to take matters into my own hands when it happened.

The images hit me first, pointed and fast – me driving hard and fast into her, hovering and panting – then her sing-song mental voice carried to me.

_Come find me Edward. Come find me._

I paced... frantic. She had followed me and was pushing every mental button I had. Both their intentions were clear to me then, and despite my internal objections screaming at me, I could not stop myself. I ran toward her mind... faster than I had ever run before.

I caught her in the linns near the River Lyon. Her scent accosted me as she came into view. She was completely naked and... pleasuring herself under the falls. Aware of my presence, she giggled as I halted my approach.

_Oops... You found me out. _Her head turned in my direction as she threw me an impish smile over her shoulder.

I growled fervently in response to her teasing. She had now become the most flirtatious little thing I'd ever seen, and I desperately wanted to pin her to the rock bed and silence her overly feminine, petite laughs with my mouth... and my cock.

When she turned fully around and continued rubbing herself in front of me, looking at me, I snapped.

I bolted down the steep hillside, through the water, sweeping her up with me, and pinning her to the ground, meters away, all within the span of a second.

Her gasp didn't mask the laughter and expectation on her face. She was begging for it in her mind, now, and I ground into her tiny, naked frame roughly, rewarded with a mewl so deliciously desperate, it turned my erection to steel. I growled uncontrollably and leaned down to breath into her ear.

"Your husband wants me to fuck you, Ali. What do you say to that?" I hissed into her ear before biting on her delicious little lobe.

She fucking purred at me and arched her back – and her wet center – into me. "So much better...ungh..." she moaned, panting, as I licked and sucked the spot behind her ear while grinding my hips into her again. "So much better in real life."

"Mmmm..." I murmured into her neck while licking back up to her ear. "You've been watching me fuck you, have you?"

"Oh yes," she sighed, grabbing my ass with her strong, tiny hands and pulling my hardness into her again. "Over and over... and over, Edward." She punctuated each word with sharp, repetitive pulls into her body, and I couldn't control my moaning at that moment. The feel of my cock grinding into her was almost unbearable. I was so unbelievably aroused, I thought I might just come at that moment, right inside my unopened trousers.

"Fuck, Ali, you're–" She stopped whatever I was intending to say – which I had no idea what – by licking my lips and opening her soft, little mouth to me. I pushed her head back down to the ground with the force of my mouth, feeling her sweet tongue gliding along mine. Fuck, I had come close to being with a few women in my past, but nothing I'd ever experienced escalated in such intensity as this for me before. Suspicions in the back of my mind explored the idea that Jasper was not far away, adding his own special brand of lust to this moment. That thought brought me slightly to my senses.

"Ali, baby..." I began, speaking between her sweet licks to my mouth and jaw, "Ali... this... this is so wrong." She hummed and gave a slight giggle at my meager attempt to stop whatever we were about to do.

"Not wrong, Edward honey... _necessary_. And what I want." She wrapped her legs up around my hips, replacing her hands on my ass with her heels, and pulling me into her with even more force. I was unglued.

"Fuck, Ali.... _fuck_." I had no composure left in my body. She moved her hands to my belt, unbuckling it with a surgeon's precision, and she had my zipper open and my cock in her soft hands before I could even hear the belt crash against a nearby tree. "Oh _God _–" I sucked in a sharp breath as her deft hands worked my cock impossibly harder. I didn't think I would even make it inside her at this rate.

That thought was quickly erased as she guided me forcefully, and quickly, into her slick sex. I sunk into her, all tight and warm and dripping with excitement, and let out an unexpected noise, like a desperate man eating the most delicious meal after years of starvation. It was embarrassingly loud, and spurred her to let out her own exquisite wail. Oh, so mouthwatering, the sounds coming from her delectable little mouth, and I ate them up, sweeping my tongue deep inside to catch each little mewl and whimper. I was in heaven in that moment, as I thrust deeply into her. They were slow, deliberate strokes, yet each was accentuated with a strong, forceful halt and grunt. It was desperate and languorous, and I felt for all the world like I was falling off a cliff into the most luscious pool of delight and ecstasy to ever exist.

Her sounds. Fuck, her sounds were sending me over the edge and, just as I felt her clench impossibly tighter around me, I lifted her off the ground. Within a moment, I had her back in the water, under the falls and against the cliff-face. I pounded into her furiously, mercilessly, and brought her again to a swift climax.

"Oh! Edward..." she cried out and gripped her slight body to mine, molded and tensed, as the water cascaded over my back, splashed in our faces, and slid between our bodies like the sweat we could not create for ourselves. I came undone in that moment, feeling her clench so tightly around my solid length. I pulled back, Alice still stuck to me like a shirt, and slammed myself back into her, pushing her into – and cracking part of – the rocks under the falls. My release was long, and brought forth with it all the days, weeks, months... _years_ of fierce restraint, denial, and pent up frustrations. I was wild with my climax and continued to slam Alice's little frame into the rock wall, over and over.

She never let go.

She cried out with my abandon and whispered encouraging chants into my ear. "Yes, Edward, yes... so good, Edward, yes, so good... let it out, baby... keep coming... so hard... yes... come hard for me, Edward. Yes! Oh, fuck, Edward, yesss."

Jasper's mental visual of watching Alice and I from the cliff's edge brought me out of the memory and back to the present, and I realized I was fucking aroused. _Dammit_. I huffed.

"I know, Edward... man, I know. You can't think about that and not get fucking hard." _God knows I can't._

I shook my head and stood up, pacing a bit. "I thought we were done with this shit, Jas." I shook my head more, trying to will away the images, the feelings they were invoking... it wasn't working. "I mean, I know we never talked about it, but... I just... I thought it was done, forgotten."

"There's no rulebook, dude. And it sounds like this is more _you_ that's bringing this shit up than anything else."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Just... sounds like you've been tryin' to avoid shit since Bella came along, but it's not really_ gone_ for you." Fuck. How did he get in my head so well? "I may not be able to read your mind dude, but feelings are pretty fucking telling. I've told you this before."

"Right," I deadpanned. I always underestimated him. "Well, fuck, you're right. I've avoided it. But... not consciously, I guess. This whole thing has just... well, blown up in my face. What the fuck am I supposed to do, Jas?"

"Well," he started, his flattened smile taking on a look of pity, even as I felt his genuine empathy and concern, even if his face betrayed the feeling. "I won't lie and say it's not complicated for you both." He looked off to the left, reflecting. "Emmett's right in one respect, though. You gotta tell her... and you gotta tell her soon." _ Like NOW soon._

"Fuck," was my instant reply. I sat back down, defeated and feeling overwhelmed. There was no fucking way I could do this.

_Second guessing... always fucking second guessing._ _He's gotta get a grip._

"Look," he paused, eyeballing me until I looked back at him. "If there's anyone in this family who has experience with uncontrolled desire, you're looking at him. I've slipped up more than any one of you combined, and that doesn't include the countless encounters I had with human women before I ever met Alice." I sighed with understanding but shook my head nonetheless. Despite his obvious ability to relate, I still didn't think I could do this.

_Jesus... beat yourself up much? _I glared at him after his sarcastic thought.

_Sorry, _he thought sheepishly before verbalizing it. "Sorry." He went all pensive on me, and I knew I was in for a "Jasper-style" schooling. This he was good at, and the anticipation of it gave me the slightest feeling of comfort.

"You know we're all here for you, Edward. All of us. We're not gonna let anything happen, man." His face was serious and resolved. "And Bella too. She's part of this family, and none of us are gonna let anything bad ever happen to her. We'd all, every one of us, lay our lives down to save her... even if it's saving her from you."

Putting it that way hit home rather hard, and I sank down on my elbows, all the worry and self-hatred and suppressed needs leaking out of me like a poisonous gas.

"I don't want you to save her from me," I said dejectedly. "I don't want Bella to EVER need to be saved from me. I'm her _husband_. I'm supposed to love her, protect her, keep her safe and happy... and _safe_." My head-shaking was becoming perfunctory, and I realized I sounded a little petulant.

"That may be what you _want,_ Edward, but you know as well as I do, life doesn't always give us what we want wrapped up in a pretty package. Your marriage is a testament to the shit life throws at us. You've already showed life that you're going to have what you want, what you need, no matter the struggle. This is just another hurdle, man, and one that you don't have to shoulder alone. You know Alice will never let anything happen. You know I can sense your bloodlust better than my own. Shit, Emmett hovers over Bella like a fucking bodyguard. You can do this, Edward. You owe this to Bella, and to yourself. Let us help you. Let us help you have the open, honest relationship we all know you want with her."

I sighed, feeling slightly more comfortable with the idea, but the worry... well I don't think the worry would ever leave... at least, not until Bella was changed, and safe from me. I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself to imagine how wonderful it was going to be, having my wife as a vampire, to love, to feel, to taste and fuck with nothing to sour it, and no reason to hold myself back from her. I couldn't wait. I wished it was today.

"We'll get you there, Edward. I promise you. You just do what you need to do for her, and be honest with her about what's gone on in the past, and for fuck's sake, stop hiding how you _feel_ from her. You only hurt both of you when you do that." I looked at him quizzically after his admonishment. "Yeah, I'm talking about it _all_. Not just the past. You're not fucking honest with her about how you feel, and I get it. Avoiding temptation. I fucking get it. But you don't give her enough credit. You need to explain to her what goes on inside, man, she _will_ get it. Trust me, she'll surprise you." Well hell. Jasper's intuition was scary sometimes. He was right. So very fucking right. I'd been holding back from her... she even knew it. She'd asked so many times for me to let go. That scared the shit out of me, though, and I would pull back from her even further.

I'd spent so much effort trying to desensitize from Bella's scent. When I first started dating her, it had worked well, and I had felt glorious. Accomplished. I started to believe that maybe I could live an entire life with her, never turning her, and it made me feel more human than I had ever imagined I could feel.

That was, until our wedding night.

My careful constructs had steadily deteriorated since the first time I felt myself inside Bella. It was absolute Heaven on Earth to be sure, but my thirst for her flared like a wildfire. I was sure I would kill her after that first night, and the reality of it almost killed me... after feeling so sure of myself for so long. I had hidden away the monster, only for him to roar to life at the most special, most intimate time with the woman I loved. I was ashamed, disgusted, and pissed off.

From that moment I had been ridiculously careful with her, even as my thirst for her worsened each week and my desire to feed waned. Intimacy with her was complete torture wrapped up in a big ball of ecstasy. My constructs became walls from which I blocked myself off from her, and my overwhelming fear of hurting her was the constant which I centered myself around. It was so absolutely exhausting, and the thought of her having even more power over me, giving her more ideas and thereby making her even more desirable...well, it caused the fear I held to grip tightly, constricting like a slow suffocation.

"I'm just... I know she's gonna push me, and... really, Jas... I can _not_ deal with her pushing me any fucking further than she already does. It's so fucking hard to not..." I trailed off. I couldn't say it out loud. Shit, I couldn't even _think_ it.

_Just eat her? _I clamped my eyes shut tight at his mental completion of my sentence.

"You know, it's not gonna work unless you tell her _everything,_" he shot back at me. "Not just about the past, Edward. I mean it... what's _inside_. If you can't even tell ME how bad you wanna drink from her, devour her, how are you going to tell her?"

"What's the fucking point of telling her _that_?!" I shuddered with the fear and looked at him astonished. He shook his head and put his arm over my shoulder.

_Goddamn amateur._ He snorted too, the asshole.

"You're pretty fucking dense sometimes, man. I know you've got the whole mind-privy thing, but you can be so dumb when it comes to her. You're not _protecting_ her by hiding it. And by "IT" I mean your bloodlust. You're just making it more difficult for her to respect the situation, and thusly making it more difficult on yourself. Like I said before, she'll fucking surprise you. You're so afraid of scaring or hurting her, but you're running more of a risk of hurting her by lying to her." I just sat there, absorbing Jasper's perspective on things. He was so very fucking right, and I knew it. I'd known it, really, I just didn't want to believe it out of the fear. I let my petulance get the better of me, though.

"It's not _lying_," I said, and immediately regretted how it sounded. Jasper quirked his eyebrow at me, but didn't speak his response.

_You really wanna get technical on this?_ He left it at that, knowing from my feelings that I really didn't, and would take it back if I could.

"Listen, why don't you, me, and Alice sit down when we get back. You know she's gonna want to orchestrate the whole damn thing anyway. We can hash out all the nasty little details and precautions for your discussion, and she can take a look at everything before any plan goes ahead. First things first, though," he said and began to open up his senses to the surrounding wild around us. I closed my eyes, feeling the venom let-down in my gums. Fuck, I _really_ didn't want to eat right now. "You can't go back hungry as you are. I can see it in your eyes. And I can feel you suppressing it." Yeah, his gift was damn close to mind-reading.

Once he opened himself up fully to the hunt, I was ready too. Damn, Jasper was good. He took off after the same herd of deer he'd already hit. I headed out in a swift sprint, not far off the direction Emmett had taken. If I was going to eat, though, it had to be cougar. I couldn't stomach the idea of consuming anything else.

It felt good to run after the exhausting conversations with my brothers, and I began to anticipate and desire the coming meal. I pushed myself further, faster, until I was running full speed. As open and ready as I was now, thanks partly to Jasper, I knew I'd catch scent of anything within a mile of my path. I only hoped I didn't veer too closely to Emmett's hunting area. He was loud and messy, and tended to scare every living creature away within a five mile radius.

Lucky enough, I caught wind of a cougar northwest of my path and started moving toward the scent. The promise of blood tickled my teeth, my mouth flooding with venom. As I zeroed in on the cat's location, easily catching sight of her crouched next to a fallen tree from over three thousand feet, I started plotting my attack, still running, and mapping out my quick approach to the unsuspecting animal. My hunger was fierce now. The cat was as good as dead.

I lowered my center, already preparing the pounce in my approach, but stopped short, my heels digging into the earth deeply. I whipped around, electrified and searching, my eyes narrowed, nostrils flared wide.

Bella.

I struggled to focus. Blood. I could smell it, flowing. More venom flooded, forcing me to swallow.

Bella?

Bella's blood.

_No._

I tried to focus.

I couldn't focus. Not on anything but the blood. It was more than sensing it, or smelling it. I could _feel_ it. I could taste it flowing over my tongue and down my throat. I was hard. Instantly. My entire body crackled with excitement. I ran fast and hard, diverting my course instantly to the lure of her scent.  
_  
Want her._  
_  
Need __blood._

_So sweet.... Need.... Get there._

The pulse was pounding in my eardrums now. Sweet, delicious, life-giving pulse. Music.

_Blood. Blood. Blood.__ Blood. _A song.

_Fuck! Need to focus!_

_It's Bella. It's Bella. It's Bella. It's your WIFE. YOUR LIFE!_  
_  
Blood._

_Bella._

_Blood._

_No, Bella._

_Blood._

_Blood._

_Blood._

_Need.... Get it now. TAKE IT!_

My body shot toward the blood as fast as my legs would carry.

* * *

**A/N: So there you go. Yeah, Edward saw... but I think his mind was in a totally different place than we all expected (including myself). I hope you all like where I took this. I know I've left you all pretty much in the same place as the end of chapter one, but this EPOV was necessary for the storytelling. Next chap, we'll be back to BPOV (though, I do really enjoy writing Edward) and we'll continue where chapter 1 left off. Leave me some thoughts people! Reviews really = writing mojo!**


	3. Commence Crescendo

**A/N: **

**TWO NOTES: **

** 1. This is un-beta'd, so please forgive any ridiculous mistakes. **

** 2. I'm changing my penname to match my twitter, gmail, etc. So from now on, ECullenitis is no longer. Anything you see posted from me from now on will have the penname: JoVersify.**

**So here we are, back where we ended up the end of Chap 1. I hope you like.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**End of Chapter 1 recap:**

_My eyes squeezed shut as he attached both hands to the top of my head. I felt him fill me with his cold release in four...five... long, powerful final thrusts. He stopped his movement inside me, his head buried into my shoulder, and I felt his hands slide down my hair to cup the back of my head._

_I didn't move. Emmett didn't move. The only sound left was my labored breaths. My mind slowly came back to me and I couldn't... couldn't think about what had just happened._

_What _did _just happen?_

_Slowly, I turned my head to the side in Emmett's cradling hands. I parted my eyes open, trying to focus my vision, and stopped breathing all together when I laid my sight on a shock of bronze hair a short distance away. The figure beneath stood silent, a pair of black, wild eyes burning into me._

_I was in _major_ trouble._

**⊱∞ῼ∞⊰**

BPOV

My eyes shut tightly of their own volition, wanting to deny what they just saw. My breathing, having been halted, resumed with intensity to the point of hyperventilation. I tried to swallow against my heated breaths to no avail.

_He saw. He's there. He's THERE. Oh my God, what did I do?_

I didn't have a moment to ruminate the panicked thoughts in my mind. Emmett's weight was extricated from my body with fluid speed, and I was pinned to the tree behind us before even conceiving a shift in my body's placement.

When my brain did catch up, my panic sharpened like a knife as my slow, human responses began to comprehend my new predicament. One by one, as if by inventory, my mind registered each new circumstance it now faced. I felt a wet, tingling sensation where my head slammed into the tree, and an intense, instantaneous vertigo sensation rolling across my eyes. My feet were not touching the ground. I could not move to look down because my body was held in place, against the rough bark, by my head – one inexorable hand gripping the back of my head, tangling and pulling my hair, while another cold, rigid hand grasped firmly from behind my right ear, across my throat, to behind my left ear.

When my struggling eyes focused, I saw my love at eye level, my husband... but, My God, it wasn't him. _It wasn't him._ I didn't know... I could not recognize the virulent creature before me.

Black, feral eyes, dancing wild, burned into me. I could feel their fire on my face. Teeth gnashed together, lips curled and menacing, he hissed and growled at me. My eyes bulged and a quake rushed through me at the sight, causing my body to seize and my hanging legs to flail as I grabbed hold of the stone arm affixed to my neck. Scratching, clawing, grasping; I was instantly terrified and utterly defenseless against the iron vice of his hand that was now cocking my head sideways, exposing my flimsiest skin. My stricken gaze did not deviate with his forced movement of my head. I was transfixed on his eyes. I could not look away as I watched the resplendent face of my death bristle and coil in anticipation of his impending strike.

I was dead.

I knew it.

And at that moment, I had no dignity. I had no courage. Nor did I have any one of the halcyon emotions one hopes to bear at the time of their death. No. I kicked out, thrashing in panicked horror, as would a trapped animal. I clamped my eyes shut with every muscle in my face and held my breath, all the while letting out the most pathetic whimper of a screech at the promise of pain to come.

He was going to kill me and I did _not_ want to fucking die.

Then I heard a loud crunch.

"Ow! FUCK!" came from far away... I thought. It was loud in my head though.

Relief. Coolness. Blood rush. Ringing.

"...grip! No, fucking _stay down_!"

I could feel the blood rushing back into my brain. It pounded with a searing pain back into my skull, or from it, I wasn't sure. I couldn't see yet. Were my eyes open? Was I dying now? My head throbbed horribly. I could hear my pulse beating like double bass drums in my ears. I was awash in blackness and throbbing and ringing and numb weightlessness.

"... fucking hand! Right through my damn knuckle!"

My head still pounding, the ringing became louder and louder, mutating into thunderous crashes... no, growls... shouts and yelling. Wet on my hands. I looked down. I could see my hand against the wet leaves. It looked so far away, like it was at the end of a tunnel. I could hear more now through the ringing in my ears – more shouting, struggling, deeper growling. The noise lanced my brain.

"...hell are you... ...can't hold... … ...her the fuck out of here now, Alice!"

The crushing noise was now like a freight train in my head. It felt as though time had slowed to a distant din and was now whipped like a whizzing bullet back into my consciousness. I was still looking at my hand, but I could see the commotion around me in my peripheral vision now.

"... didn't bite her!"

"No, shit! Took half my fucking hand instead! Go! Oh! Thank Fuck… Hurry, c'mere and help me hold him!"

Alice was in my sight now – very close, right in my face. I turned from my hand to look at her. I could see her asking me something but I couldn't make it out. "What?" I said. My voice didn't sound right.

"... hear me?" More throbbing and ringing. "... picking you up. Don't be scared."

I laughed.

"I'm not scared of you, Alice." My voice sounded tinny and internal, like I was speaking underwater. _Weird._

I felt the cold iron grip around me, right on my skin, so cold. I tensed, and then everything went blurry again. The wind whipped my face hard. I turned my head into something solid and it was better. The throbbing came back though, and I couldn't fight the blackness that washed over me again.

**⊱∞ῼ∞⊰**

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes, hearing an echo of my name. My focus came together, but the landscape was still blurry.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

_Alice._

I shifted my gaze and saw the door handle.

_Car. No, Jeep. Blurry road outside the window. We're moving, in the Jeep. Wait. Where are we driving?_ I tried to sit up.

_Ow. Pain._

I took a deep breath.

_Choking pain._ It made me cough, and that hurt so much more. I could only let out a garbled hiss.

"You're okay, Bella. I'm taking you to Carlisle right now, honey. You're safe. We'll get you fixed-up, and he'll take care of you. Okay? I promise you're safe now."

_Safe?_

"Safe?" I croaked. Barely a whisper would form in my throat.

"Oh God, Bella. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I can't _believe_ I was so stupid! Edward is _never_ going to forgive me. I should have _never_ let you go. Never ever! I thought it was okay. I _saw_ it being okay. But you moved. _You moved!_ And it changed _everything_! I couldn't... couldn't get there in time! I'm so-o sorry!" She flourished her rant with a desperate sob.

I had never heard Alice sob before. It was such a foreign sound. It sounded almost comical, like I didn't believe that Alice could cry.

_Why would I think that? And what the hell is she talking about? _

I wanted to question her, comfort her, but I was seriously confused and it hurt to move. I kept my eyes fixed out the side window, begging my head to stop throbbing and tell me what had happened – why we were in the Jeep heading to Carlisle. And why did everything hurt?

I experimented speaking again, but only a whispered hissing sound came out.

_Oh my God, oww._

No, it hurt too much. My tongue hurt. I couldn't swallow. I concentrated on just breathing while I listened silently to Alice's profuse apologies. She stopped her hysterics then, rather abruptly, and it was uncomfortably quiet as the echo of her pleading cries lingered in the small space. I wanted to know what stopped her so short but, propped up as I was, the bumps in the pavement jostling my head between the seat corner and the window was just painful enough to know I didn't want to make another attempt at moving.

The silence was suddenly sliced open by the shrill ring of a cell phone. It had barely rung once, and I heard Alice flip it open and begin speaking. There was no greeting.

"No," she said, "to your office. … No, the hospital is no good! … Yes, _him_. … Well, anything he decides will be bad if she's there. … Okay, hold on a second."

I saw the grassy shoulder of the road inch closer to my window then and realized we were pulling over. The Jeep stopped, and the silence in the small cab permeated my brain. This was agonizing and my anxiety was becoming insufferable.

_Why am I in so much pain?_

"It's okay, Bella," Alice whispered as she soothingly rubbed my arm, "I'm just getting Carlisle prepared. Please don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

_Okay, but what the hell is going on?_

"Okay, ready?" she continued on the phone with who I assumed was Carlisle, "Flexible fiberoptic laryn... laryn... yes, that's it. You have that one? … Well it's the first thing you say! … Yes, she's awake … She is. … No, I don't think she can. I mean, she hasn't– … Yeah, like a hiss." More beats of silence gathered throughout the car. The urgency of their discussion and my complete confusion as to what they were talking about kept my mind momentarily off of the pain, but not off of my rising panic.

"No, no I don't see that. … Oh, thank God." I was certain Alice was carefully guiding Carlisle's decisions through the near future, but the one-sided conversation coupled with my confusion made it impossible to determine anything. I wished I could at least see her.

"Bella, Carlisle says don't try to talk. Your larynx is probably bruised and it's going to swell." I tried to nod and ended up hissing again at the pain. I heard her shift and felt her soft touch on my arm again. "It's okay sweetheart, just don't move okay?"

_Don't move, she said._ I could handle not moving.

"Yes, I think so," she continued again on the phone, and I felt her hand move up and touch the back of my head, "Yes, definitely. Probably against the tree. … Well, I wasn't there, but she couldn't hear me at first. … Yes, um, about twelve and a half minutes? … No, I said we can't do that! … Look, whatever he does, Carlisle – and it's completely unpredictable – _trust_ me, we can _not_ handle the consequences."

_He, who?_ Was she talking about Edward?

_Oh God. Please. What happened?_

Black, foreign eyes invaded my thoughts. My frustration caused the prickling of tears in my eyes and willed my focus back to the phone conversation to try and remain calm.

"Wait, wait, wait. Stay on that decision. …No, no of the CT. …Nooo, but I can at least give you your results. …Okay, perfect. Now decide reciting them to me. …_Yes,_ the results!" She huffed and the silence stretched on again, but Alice's hand lingered in my hair, caressing it.

"Okay, uh... MTBI uh, occipital something …Shh! …Uh, no indication of cerebral edema. Unremarkable imaging results. Follow up CCT... and combined T one T two... weighted MRI should be... conducted day seven and ten... for possible DAI. Order SWI contrast... on V one BA seventeen region …uh, wait, wait you tell me more… On neurological evaluation of patient, minor presence... of PTA including syncope... with LOC at less than thirty minutes. Moderate GCS at twelve... showing improvement to... minor GCS at fourteen... Why can't you just speak English? Ugh, Carlisle what the _hell_ does that mean?"

More silence.

_I'd like to know as well._

"Oh. Okay then. Wow. That was rather– …I know. If only, right?" And then she laughed. _She laughed._

_Why did she laugh? It couldn't be so bad if she were laughing, right?_

"Okay," she began as the Jeep jerked quickly back onto the road. The motion caused the pain in my head to flare. "We pull up at two twenty-seven." I heard her snap the phone closed and could feel her cold, gentle hand against my arm again.

_Please fucking explain something to me Alice._ I willed her in my mind. I wanted to question her so badly, but just breathing alone was becoming painful now. My eyes stung again with unshed tears.

"It's okay, Bella. You're going to be fine." She seemed to be answering my growing fears, and admittedly, it calmed me. But her conciliation only stoked my need to know what happened. I started searching my memory, trying to distract myself from the pain and remember something of what put me in my current situation, but the things I could remember were like puzzle pieces.

Bear.

Growling.

Shopping with Alice.

Ripped clothes.

I shifted my eyes, seeing my still clothed arm. Focusing further down, I took in the sight of half of a ripped pant leg hanging off of my calf.

Emmett.

"_... taste how good you are. … Oh fuck, that's beautiful..."_

My breathing sped of its own accord and I could feel my heart begin thundering in my chest.

"Bella." Alice's voice broke through my sudden wave of panic. "Bella! Carlisle said you're going to be fine. I need you to calm down, sweetie, okay?"

_Would you stop saying that? Please tell me what happened Alice!_

I couldn't control my breaths now and the pain was scary. I saw black swirly spots on the outsides of my vision and started to feel like I was in a tunnel.

_My hand on the wet ground. _

_Kicking. Fighting. Fear._

"Bella..." Alice's voice sounded far away now and I couldn't hear anything else. The throbbing in my head took over and the black of the tunnel closed me inside.

**⊱∞ῼ∞⊰**

I came to just as Carlisle was opening the door to the Jeep and gently removing me from the vehicle. He was so smooth and swift, I hardly felt jostled on the way into the building.

"There we are. Just relax, Bella. I've got you." I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to cry. I didn't understand why the sight of him stirred up such emotion within me, but the tears just fell out on their own and seemed endless. He wound up holding me in his office for... well, I'm not sure how long it was. I just couldn't let go of him.

Eventually, he convinced me that he needed to assess my injuries first, and that he would be happy to hug me as much as I liked afterward. I began to laugh through my tears at this, and was instantly reminded of why I was here when pain shot through my head and my throat.

_Could never accuse him of bad bedside manner, that's for sure. Ow._

As Carlisle began looking me over, checking reflexes and pupil dilation and whatever else, my tears subsided, and I curiously took in the unfamiliar room we were in. It was just like a regular doctor's examination room, only nicer. I sat on a dark green exam table against the wall, and there were counters, cabinets, and a sink, along with a bunch of medical contraptions on wheels. But the room itself was very well appointed. The walls were a deep charcoal grey, and there were dark wood bookshelves and elaborate paintings on the walls. There was recessed lighting too, which gave the space a very comforting and private feel.

Noticing my wandering attention, he started to explain that we were at his private medical office downtown. I hadn't known about this place, and apparently, he had all sorts of nifty medical equipment he kept here. He described it as his 'garage', "with Esme's decorative touches, of course."

I supposed being an immortal doctor with limitless funds and the inclination to research, it made sense for him to have such a place for himself. It didn't seem like he actually saw any patients here, and he confirmed my suspicions by telling me that he had once thought of opening his own practice here, but never did. I wondered why that was.

After Carlisle's examination, and his weird 'tube-up-my-nose' procedure, he tasked Esme with changing me from what was left of my ripped-up clothing – which were odd camouflaged items that I did not recognize – into a dark blue, short sleeved scrubs set. He apologized for it, but I was thankful I wouldn't be donning any type of open-backed hospital gown. Alice and Carlisle left the room as Esme very gently and deftly helped me into the scrubs. Once I was fully clothed, Alice returned, and both of them helped me to another room which had a hospital bed set up.

"It's just until the swelling in your throat goes down, dear," Esme assured. "Carlisle said he will have to check it with the Laryngoscope a few more times."

_Ugh. That thing was so weird._

I could still only recall scattered bits of the how I had ended up like this and nobody was asking me questions or explaining anything to me, though, this type of situation was hardly unusual for me. They were doing a good job of keeping my mind off of it, but I needed to know what happened... how and why I had ended up so injured.

_And where was Edward?_

Once I was settled and tucked in the bed, Esme gave me a kiss on the forehead and, without a word, both Esme and Alice walked out of the room. Before I could question their leaving, Carlisle walked in with some medical looking supplies under his arm. He tossed the supplies onto the tray-table next to the bed, sat down, and rolled his seat over to me.

"I'm going to put you on some fluids, Bella." he began as he hung an IV bag from the pole next to the bed and attached something to it. "It's going to be difficult for you to eat or drink for the next couple of days, so this will help." He then gently swabbed my hand, tossed the cotton to the side, and started ripping open different kinds of sterile packages. He continued speaking as I watched him assemble different things from each package. "I'm also giving you some medicine for the damage to your larynx as well as for the pain."

He paused then, staring down at the bed, the supplies momentarily forgotten. It looked as though he was reflecting on something, and I hoped he would explain to me now what had happened... and where my husband was. He took my hand in both of his bringing my fingers to his lips. Staring only at the hand he just kissed, he began speaking again in a whisper.

"I'm so glad you're okay Bella." His susurrant declaration surprised me. There was a quiet reverence in his voice and he looked so sad, so... ashamed? Yet, I could feel only love from him. Penetrating, grateful love that swelled in my heart, and I felt it too, for the man before me – a man who would be my father, who _was_ my father. My own emotion betrayed me then, and with a teary gaze, I tried to tell him thank you – that I loved him. Pain lacerated me as I tried to speak to him, and my welled tears fell, gushing, as I slammed my leg to the bed in frustration and pain.

Carlisle, gathering himself, instructed me right away to not try to speak and to keep myself calm, and it honestly hurt too much to even attempt to argue. But I was flustered and frustrated at not being able to communicate. I wanted to tell him so badly in that moment how grateful I was for him, and I couldn't. On top of everything, I had so many questions, and their avoidance and hushed conversations had begun to piss me off. My tears would not stop, and I found myself _unable _to calm down at this point.

My breaths came in labored pants at the swelling of emotions and only exacerbated my pain and growing frustration. I was beginning to panic with it all. At that moment, when I felt I would pass out again, Alice walked hurriedly into the room, handing something to Carlisle.

"Alice?" he questioned her and I tried to see what she gave him, but my vision was completely skewed through my agitated tears.

"You have to sedate her… _now._"

_What?_

My panic rose ten-fold in that moment and Carlisle did not question her as he pulled off a cap with his teeth, pulled up my sleeve, and quickly stabbed me in the arm with what was obviously a shot of some kind of sedative.

I couldn't help the look of betrayal I gave to him as I instantly started to drift off.

**⊱∞ῼ∞⊰**

When I woke again, it was to Alice's remorseful expression. It took me at least a minute to compute my current situation once again, but once I felt the pain in my throat, I was fully cognizant. I remembered Carlisle sedating me, too, and I instantly looked to Alice for explanation.

Enough was enough.

She seemed quite prepared for my demeanor as she placed a marker and notepad in my hands.

"_Ask me and I will answer,"_ was scrawled in perfect, loopy cursive writing on the open page.

Understanding, I wrote with shaking hands, the only thing that mattered to me… _"Where is Edward?"_

"He's fine, Bella," she answered aloud. "He's with Emmett right now, up at Goat Rocks."

Okay, Edward is okay. Edward is with Emmett, hunting. He was supposed to be hunting. I remembered him… kissing me senseless in the foyer just before he left with his brothers to hunt. That's right. I remembered talking to Charlie on the phone, planning Sunday dinner… no, _cancelling_ Sunday dinner. I closed my eyes as my memories became more broken and confusing. I couldn't make sense of the snippets and clearly missing drags of time. I opened my eyes and brought the pen to paper again.

"Two days ago." Alice answered my question of how long ago Edward left to hunt before I could even write it down.

_Two days ago. Two days of missing memory._

Clenching my eyes shut again, I scrunched my brow in a force of sheer will, trying to make the past two days reappear in my mind. I felt the notepad being pulled from my hand, and I opened my eyes to see Alice furiously writing, speeding out two full pages in a matter of seconds, only pausing once. She handed the pad back to me with worried, pleading eyes, and I read.

"_It'll come to you quicker this way. _

_But first: Bella, I'm so very sorry for what's happened – that you were hurt. I feel responsible for everything, but I need you to know that I tried my best to avoid anything bad from happening. I would never put you in danger if I could help it. I only hope that you can forgive me."_

I looked up to Alice in confusion, but she avoided my gaze, only nodding for me to continue reading. This didn't feel right at all, but having no memory to go on, I took her cue and continued.

"_The boys left, two days ago, and yes, you made it a point to meticulously plan dinner with Charlie in an effort to thwart me from catching on to your plan too soon. You made up your mind when you called him on Friday afternoon and cancelled Sunday dinner._

_That was when I caught a vision of you traipsing through the wilderness reserve on your own like a lost puppy. I couldn't believe you at first. I thought you were teasing me. But then I saw you find their rock – it's their favorite place up there – and I realized what you were going to try to do… watch them hunt."_

My heart rate spiked at her written words and I looked to Alice, only to see her plead with her eyes again for me to continue.

"_You're going to start remembering now, Bella, and I need you to try your best to stay calm. Jasper is just outside now, and he'll be helping, but I need you to focus your breathing and just focus on the fact that everyone is all right and everything will be all right, despite what's happened. _

_EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY._

_Say it now in your head, and remember it. Okay?"_

I felt Alice squeeze my hand and I met her eyes again. She nodded her head and spoke in a consoling whisper. "Just focus and remember. Okay, Bella? You are okay. Edward is okay. You will both be together soon and you'll both be alright. Just focus and remember that." She nodded toward the page again and I read, even though, at this point, I was starting to feel like maybe I didn't _want_ to remember.

"_When I confronted you about your plans, you… you begged me to let you go. You were so stubborn, Bella… inventing every possible means of escape from the house, and every plan you came up with had horrible repercussions. You left me with only two options… tie you up and keep you prisoner for the entire weekend… or help you succeed in your plan."_

I remembered the mental gymnastics I went through with Alice now. She had been so mad. I remembered… ripped clothes and… why did I keep seeing Emmett? And so close to me? He looked so different – _not right_. I remembered my flirting match with him at the house… and Rosalie walking in just in time to see his hands pawing at my ass. _Oh, geez._

But this was not the same… I was remembering something else? In utter confusion, I peered down at the paper once more.

"_So, I took you shopping, and got you as prepared as possible to meet up with a bunch of ravenous, hunting vampires. My God, this is very easily the stupidest thing either of us has ever done. We bought every type of camouflage known to man, and I helped you de-scent._

The special shampoo. I remembered washing the clothes… the hat… Alice driving me to Goat Rocks… _"Do NOT move from the spot that I show you," _she had said.

I remembered that I moved. She had wanted me to fail.

"_Stay calm, Bella… After I left you, I parked out on the 101 by the Ranger Station… just far enough away so that Edward wouldn't stumble across my thoughts. When you moved from where I had left you…well, it created a chain reaction… you moved into the direct path of a foraging grizzly, but it wasn't until he caught the bear's scent that I saw the vision of Emmett… feeding on the grizzly… then seeing YOU. I had no time. I couldn't get to you fast enough."_

This was all Alice wrote, but I didn't need any further prompting. My memory came flooding back to me in a silent, yet deafening rush. The notepad slipped from my fingers to my lap and I could feel my blood pumping furiously through my veins as I remembered every gruesome detail of what had occurred. I croaked out, my body trying to make sound without my permission, and the pain was incredible. I began shaking uncontrollably, unable to process the memories without reacting to them. It was becoming hard to breath.

_Oh my God. Oh my God. _

_I remembered it all._

"Bella," Alice whispered, her hands running soothingly down my hair. "Just breathe, honey. Jasper's helping, just focus on the calm, okay? Please, Bella." As she mentioned Jasper's help, I could feel it seeping into me. It was like the sedative Carlisle had given me, but without the threat of unconsciousness. My breathing easily regulated on its own, and my thoughts became temperate, like honey, slowly dripping each moment into my awareness.

Even with the shock of what I was remembering, I was unable to reel at them. They were just pictures in my mind now, devoid of the emotions they should evoke. But I _knew_ that what I was seeing should have me tied up in a thousand knots, and those feelings kept pushing against the foreign detachment of Jasper's gift, wanting to break out – to _freak_ out. It was like a quiet battle inside me, and all I could do was watch these memories unfold, and like some impartial outsider, objectively discern what they meant for me.

More importantly, what they meant for Edward and me.

I looked down at the notepad in my lap, and before I could pick up the marker to write, Alice stood and kissed me on the cheek. "Jasper and I will be right outside," she said.

Quickly, before she could leave, I grabbed her arm and pleaded with my eyes, hoping she would just _see_ what else I wanted to write on that paper.

She gave a sad smile, and leaned toward me again, "It's all going to work out, Bella, I promise. He'll be here soon." At that, she patted my hand and left me alone in the room.

I couldn't know what she meant by "it would all work out", and I certainly didn't believe her. How could I? With dispassionate rationality, my mind told me exactly what would happen.

My marriage was over, with certainty.

I had let my insecurities lead me to the stupidest decision of my life.

I had been unfaithful to Edward... with his brother. His _married_ brother.

I had forced him into a horrific situation that caused him to attack me.

I would never be able to rectify the damage and hurt I had caused to him, to this family.

I had singlehandedly destroyed everything we had struggled so hard for.

He would leave me again.

He would leave me again, and I deserved it.

He would leave me again, and I'd have to let him go.

It played on repeat in my mind, and no matter how many times I thought it, how much I knew I deserved it, I didn't want us to end. How could it end like this?

"_He'll be here soon," _she'd said. I didn't want him to be here soon. I needed more time. I wanted to see him so badly, and I never wanted him to show up.

How could I have let this happen?

How could I have been so stupid?

My nerves began to swirl furiously and I could feel the sting of pending tears once again. Jasper must have given up on me, too.

It was just as well.

At that moment, I heard – and thought I felt too – a large crash, and Alice shouting out obscenities. Then I heard the words from her that both elated me and filled me with dread.

"Edward! Will you just wait!"

My heart simultaneously leaped in my chest and dropped into my stomach at the knowledge that he was here, _right outside my room_. I felt myself go cold with the uneasy anticipation, and then the door burst open, nearly off its hinges.

He stood there, glorious and... a complete mess.

He was covered in dirt and mud and leaves, and the expression on his face made me physically ache and want to cry. I did cry. The moment my eyes touched his gaze and I saw how crazed and tormented he looked, my vision went blurry and tears fell in an unending cascade down my face.

I wasn't ready.

I blinked them away, and watched, breathless, as Edward dropped to his knees at the foot of my bed. He had both hands around my blanketed feet and his head dropped forward to the bed as his body sank and rose and shuddered.

He was crying.

He was sobbing, at my feet, and I didn't even deserve to be in the same room with him. But he was here, and the relief that flooded me was so overwhelming, I uncapped the marker in my hands and scribbled the first thing I could think to say as my tears dropped to the paper, smearing and splotching my words.

I turned the pad around in my arms, holding it up, and then wiggled my foot to capture his attention. He slowly lifted his head, first focusing on my feet, which he gently caressed, then lifted his gaze to my message to him – my simple, tear-stained, _"I'm so sorry."_

His intake of breath was sharp, staggered, and looking into my eyes, he stood from the floor. He walked determinedly toward me, and swatted the pad out of my hands, causing it to fly from my hands and skitter across the floor. Shaking his head, he firmly but tenderly placed both of his hands in my hair, and began to kiss my face. He kissed over my forehead, my brows, my temples and cheeks. I felt his breath at my ear and I stiffened, breathing heavily. This was it. I waited for the words that would end me... waited for him to tell me that we were over.

"Don't ever, Bella. Never. I will _never_ deserve those words from you," he said.

Desperate tears fell from my desperate eyes as I tried to reconcile what he said to me. My head started to shake back and forth in confusion and disbelief.

_Was he not mad? But he knew... he saw us. He knows._

_No. He has to be angry. It makes no sense._

I felt his hands hold more firmly, effectively stopping the incessant shaking of my head, as he pulled back to face me.

God, he was so close. I wanted so badly to throw my arms around him and kiss him. I kept my eyes downcast, fighting the need to take his words for something they were not... forgiveness.

"Listen to me... Look at me, Bella." And I lifted my eyes to his. He was the picture of firm determination and I recoiled internally, instinctively still waiting for him to end everything that we had... to leave me again... this time, forever. My hands grasped tightly over his hands in my hair, bracing for his judgment, hoping it would keep me from shattering into a million pieces.

"Everything was... it was..." His determination faltered, and he looked to be steeling himself. "Bella, it was all my fault. _All_ of it."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so if you're reading this, you've either just stumbled across my story, or you're the most dedicated reader in fanfic history. I've got a majority of Chapters 4 & 5 written already, and well... I'm not putting a time frame on anything, because that would just be stupid on my part. Anyone who knows me, knows how unreliable I am. With that said, I've been writing a lot lately, and hope to finish what I've already posted on here so I can move on to the stories that have been REALLY eating away at me.**

**I thank anyone who's stuck with me, and look forward to posting more for you soon. **


End file.
